So hard to let go A Lilly Evans Story
by Sofie-M
Summary: Lily Evans is heartbroken after the episode with Severus. as she befriends James she regains the taste for life. As she slowly and painfuly recovers from the loss of Severus, her relationship with James evolves to the extrodinary love we all know so well.
1. Chapter 1 letters

_**AN - **_this is my first real fanfiction. i was inspired by AnnaSmiles95. This story is sort of long, i hope it does not scare you away. i am going to keep adding chapters for a while, but if i do not get any reviews i do not see the point of uploading. So enjoy and please R&R ;D

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**So hard to let go**

**Dear Sev**

**Please I need you to understand.**

** That day two months ago, you broke my heart.**

** You called me that name, and I will never forgive you.**

** I hope in time, I will be able to move on,**

** but right now it just feels like a part of me is missing.**

** I need you to be my friend again, but I don't know if I could handle the sorrow **

**if you hurt me again.**

**You broke my heart. I wanted you to know, what you did to me. **

**Because of you I'm all alone.**

** After all these years, after all the times I defended you. **

**How could you do it?**

**LE **

Lily sad in her room, she was reading the letter for the fifth time. She stared at the words she had written, and knew she would never have the courage to send it. A cold wet feeling on her cheek told her, that she was crying. With a sigh she got up and walked to her mirror. It hung on the wall, jus about two meters away. But it felt like so much more. The soreness in all her muscles had been there since the day that she had lost her best and oldest friend.

When she looked at the mirror, she didn't see the happy, beautiful girl she would have seen two months ago. Her emerald eyes were red and puffy. Her face was all red. There was no spark, no live.

She wiped her tears, as she thought to herself, that no guy was worth this kind of pain. It wasn't like he ever did anything for her. So what if he was the first to tell her, she was a witch? She would have found out any way.

So what if he had been her only comfort, when she lost her friendship with Petunia? She would have gotten through it one way or another. So what if she couldn't stand being away from him?

"Knock knock" Diana Lily's mother stood in the door, with her arms crossed and worried look on her face. "What is it?" Lily asked her tone harsh and her voice shaking.

"We are going to London tomorrow. Petunia needs a new dress. Honey I know these months have been hard, but you will soon be going back to school and we you haven't done anything besides sitting in your room, reading you please come with is tomorrow? "

Lily looked down, feeling guilty. She hadn't realised how much she had worried her mother. Of course she wanted to make her happy, but the thought of going shopping with Petunia didn't really cheer her up.

Hadn't her sister made it perfectly clear, that she didn't want to see her? "Come on. Please? Pretty please? It's going to be fun, just us girls." Diana looked at Lily, making her puppy-eyes. Lily smiled but it didn't reach to her eyes.

"Okay mom, I'm coming. But we have to go to diagonally. I need to buy new books for next year." She knew she was pushing it. There was no way they would get Petunia to go to diagonally. The very thought was absolutely absurd. Petunia hated everything that had anything to do with magic. That was why she hated Lily. She expected her mom to say no, and to take petunias side (again).

But Diana just smiled and kissed her forehead. "Of course honey. We can go wherever you want. This trip is all about you. And I really would like to see that place again. It has been so long. But sweetie we are going to have to find a place for your sister. Maybe we can drop her of at Vernon's house. I'm sure she wouldn't mind that. "

Lily was surprised, her mother actually wanted to go with her to diagonally and drop Petunia off at Dursley´s house? She suddenly felt sick of guild. She had been crying and mourning over her lost friendship so much, that she had almost lost another friendship.

Poor Diana had had to watch Lily so devastated. They used to be such great friends, they used to go shopping and see movies. And every summer, they used to go to the beach and rate peoples swimming suites from 1-10. They hadn't done any of that this summer.

"Sure mom. That sounds great." Lily simply said. She surprised Diana and herself, by actually smiling. "Oh Lily I can't wait. I it´s going to be so much fun" and then Diana skipped out of the room. Lily felt a little cheered up. Tomorrow it was going to be just the two of them in diagonally. She just had to put up with petunia until then.

She sat there, drifting away in her own thoughts, when she heard a loud sound. She turned around, chocked. A big brown owl was right outside her window. It had flown into the glass and was now waiting for her to open. Lily recognised it as Mouse, Alice's owl, and hurried over to open the window.

Mouse flew in and started flying around in circles while crying happily. It just kept flapping its wings and trashed everything. It flew in to Lily's mirror with a bang.

Instead of stopping it just cried louder and happier. Lily grabbed the bowl of birdseeds and whistled. The over stimulated bird immediately calmed down, and sat on the table. Luckily Lily knew this bird very well. If you didn't call it, it would continue to fly in circles until it hurt itself.

Mouse cooed quietly while eating the birdseeds. Lily smiled when she saw the letter tied to Mouse's leg. It had been a while since she had heart anything from her friends; they had all gone on vacation. Apparently Alice had come back.

Lily gently untied the letter from Mouse´s leg. She opened it and smiled at the look of Alice's handwriting.

_**Lily**_

_**I just returned from my trip to New York.**_

_**It was absolutely AMAZING! You have to go there some time.**_

_**Frank and I had so much fun.**_

_**We went to a real muggle restaurant popped the question!!**_

_**WE ARE GETTING MARRIED!!**_  
_**Okay, I know you are going to freak, but consider this:**_

_**We might be very young, but we are also very in love**_

_**If you find the right person, why wait?**_

_**Besides, with you-know-who getting more powerful,**_

_**It is becoming clear that it is now or never.**_

_**You can't deny love.**_

_**Speaking of love, please tell me you haven't spent your**_

_**Whole summer crying over that jerk Snape.**_

_**He is not worth it you know.**_

_**Why don't you get over him and find a rebound?**_

_**I know Potter is in to you.**_

_**He might be an arrogant pig, but you must admit, he is HOT**_

_**And he is smart too. And he plays Quidditch.**_

_**Got to go. Frank is waiting. Write me ASAP.**_

_**But let Mouse rest. He flew all the way from Manchester.**_

_**See you soon**_

_**Love Alice**_

Lily stared at the paper. Married? They were getting MARRIED? But Alice was only a year older than her, and she had only had 1 boyfriend, and that had been a big mistake. Was Alice already in the point of her life, where she could get married? Why was Alice so much more ready than she was?

Then she realized, why she had mentioned it in the letter, instead of telling her in a week, when they were going back to school. Alice usually never missed an opportunity to tell Lily important news in person. She loved seeing the look on Lily's face. The reason she told her in a letter, was so she wouldn't think about Sev.

Mouse interrupted her strain of thought when he sat on her shoulder, and he just looked at her. He didn't say anything he just looked. It was quite annoying actually.

"Lily dinner is ready." Lilly looked around and saw her mother. She had not realised, that Diana had entered the room. "Lily honey, did you get a letter from Alice? Oh I just love this owl. Hey Mouse. So how did it go in the big apple? Did they have fun?" Diana had always loved Alice. And she loved Frank too.

Lily handed the letter to Diana. "They are getting married" I said. Diana took the letter and read it herself. Her face white, then red, then white again. "I can't believe it" Diana Said.

"They are so young. How can they get married? Why can't they wait till they are older and more experienced? And who is You-Know-Who? And why does he have anything to do with them getting married?"

Lily immediately blushed. She hadn't told Diana about you-know-who. She never thought it would be necessary. Why bother her with worries? "No one mom. It doesn't matter. But what does matter, is that Alice is marrying Frank Longbottom. Can you believe it? They are only 17!" Lily said, avoiding the subject of You-know-who.

Diana smiled and sat on Lily's bed. "When school starts, you are going to have to talk some sense in to that girl." She said. Then she hugged her daughter tightly and said: "tomorrow you are going to tell me who You-know-who is. I can tell when you are keeping a secret, you are such a bad liar."

Lily got up and went to the door. "Where are you going? I'm not done interrogating you." Diana said. Lily just faked a smile, hoping it would distract her mother, and said: "well I thought dinner was ready. We don't want dad to wait any longer, do we?" and so Lily went downstairs to eat, knowing tomorrow would change the way her mother saw the world.

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_**AN -as i said.. long. hope you enjoyed it  
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	2. Chapter 2 akward drive

Awkward drive

"Come on Lily let's go!" Diana yelled from down the stairs. "Just a minute!" Lily replied. She was putting on makeup, something she hadn't done all summer. It took a surprising amount of foundation to cover up the dark circles underneath her eyes. Now usually Lily almost never used foundation.

She wore just a little bit of eye makeup. But in this case she would have to, or people would be able to see, that she had trouble sleeping. She actually felt good for once.

She was all dressed up, in a nice green summer dress that matched her eyes, and with her burning red hair in a pretty high ponytail, she looked better than she had for a long time. She took her purse and went down to her mother.

When they got out to the car, Lily automatically sat on the front seat. It never occurred to her, that maybe, just maybe Petunia would want to sit in the front seat. "Oh no you don't! That is MY seat. I'm the oldest, now move it!" Petunias horse like head turned all white with anger, and her ugly eyes looked like they might fall out of her skull.

"Okay. Sorry. I didn't know it meant that much to you." Lily said, in an indifferent tone. She really couldn't give a rat's ass about where she sat. Besides she didn't want to upset Petunia.

If this had happened a few months ago, she would have gotten in a fight with her sister. She would have said, that it didn't matter who was the oldest, and that petunia should be happy she was even allowed to come.

She would have made some sassy comments on petunias outfit, which was as boring as ever, and then she would have demanded an apology. It wouldn't be about the seat, but about the fact that Petunia thought she was better than her.

But today she just didn't have it her. She simply got out of the car, and let Petunia have the front seat.

The car trip was very quiet and tense. It was one of those awkward silences that just grow more and more awkward, until someone breaks the ice.

Several times Diana tried to break it with a comment on Lily's close and a complaint about the traffic. But it never worked. Poor Diana was stuck in the middle of the sisters' hatred to one and other, and there was nothing she could do.

Lily wanted so bad to make it easier for her mother, but she really didn't want to talk to Petunia.

In one of Diana's ´attempts to make things more comfortable, she asked: "So this Potter guy Alice says likes you, is he as hot as Alice says?"

The shock from the question completely made Lily forget about Petunia. "Mother! Why on earth do you ask me that?" Diana smiled her girly smile, the smile that always made Lily forget how much older Diana was. They had always been more like friends than like mother daughter, and they often talked about boys. Well they used to. But never around Petunia.

"Can't I be interested in my own daughter's love-life?"

"It has nothing to do with love mom. I am not the least bit interested in him. I mean sure, he is very handsome, and sure he is the best Quidditch player on the school,"

Diana, who knew all about Quidditch, just smiled and nodded, but Petunia, who had been staring out the window looked very offended when she heard that word. The way she always looked when they talked about Lily's life, and all the magic in it.

Lily was so used to her behaviour, she didn't even care anymore. So instead of stopping, and making a big deal of Petunias narcissism, she just continued:

"but he is such a brat! He is so arrogant it gives me nausea, and he and his womanizer friend Sirius Black always pull all kinds of moronic pranks. And he does this weird thing with his hair, he like messes it up, so it looks like he just got of a broom. Oh and he likes me. But he has never been nice to me."

Realising that Diana had just broken the ice and created a warm atmosphere, Lily couldn't keep herself from smiling.

Diana was so wonderful. Why had she been avoiding her all summer, when it was so clear, Diana was just what she needed to help her forget her troubles?

"Sounds like the perfect guy to me. You should give him a chance, arrogant and confident boys are usually great kissers."

"Mother! Don't you talk like that! It's just not right. Lily should find a nice normal boy, she should merry him and have a sweet normal son who looks just like him. Though on second thought, it is highly unlikely that any normal person would ever want a freak like her."

Lily didn't think. She just seized her wand from her purse, and pointed it at her terrified older sister. "DONT call me a freak" she said. Then a number of things happened.

Diana immediately stopped the car. The pressure caused everyone to fall forward. Petunia who had forgotten the seatbelt actually fell down from her set and hit her head on the car door. "Lily! Put that thing away. NOW! And Petunia, apologise to you sister. And sound like you mean it."

Petunia got back up on the seat, while moaning in pain. Lily just held the wand tighter. She felt the rage she had tried to ignore all summer building up inside of her. She didn't think rationally, all she could care about was hurting Petunia.

Petunia looked absolutely horrified. She stared at the wand in Lilly´s hand. Then suddenly all the fear disappeared from her face and was replaced by anger. "You have no right to point that thing at me. You know I am right. No man would ever want you. You are a freak. Even that Snape boy didn't want you"

Lily dropped the wand, and went straight for Petunias face. She hit her sister right on the nose. "LILLY! What ARE you doing?" Diana asked. "She deserved it! She should just be thankful I didn't use magic."

Petunia looked terrified once again. She covered her nose with both her hands, and looked straight at Lily´s wand. "I don't care what she said. There is no excuse for violence Lily and you know it. I thought I raised you better that that."

Lily put her wand back in her purse, still shaking with anger. Even though there was nothing she would rather do, then to give her sister a bat-bogey hex, she didn't want to take risk. I fact the only thing holding her back, was the law against underage magic.

"Sorry" She said, trying to sound sincere, but not quite able to. "Now I have had enough of you two. All I want is a nice day with my two girls, and you have to make it about killing each other. Now both of you; behave!"

No one said anything during the rest of the drive. After a while, they finely found a place to park. It was just outside a starbucks, which was completely full. Petunia didn't speak to anyone. She just got out of the car, and walked away. "Tuney? Where are you going?" Diana yelled. Petunia turned around, looking dead in the face. "You know I am not willing to spend the day with her. Why did you even invite her? Never mind, i am going to see Vernon."

And then she turned and walked away, leaving Lily and Diana alone. "All right then, I guess it will just be you and I." Diana said. Lily couldn't help feeling very guilty. She had once again come between her sister and her mother. But then again, it would have been awful having petunia around. Not only did she despise Lily and everything Lily loved, she was also a very bad shopper. She went to the same boring stores, looked at the same boring clothes, and talked about the same indifferent people in her life. This could be much more fun without her. "Where will we go first mom? Diagonally?" Lily asked. "Sure, why not?"

As always Lily had to be the one showing where to find _the leaky cauldron, _since her mother was a muggle and could not see it. they went inside and said hello to Tom. Then they sat down and had a cup of butter beer. "I am really sorry about hitting Petunia. I just got so mad. Can you forgive me?"

Lilly looked pleading in to her mother's eyes "I am not the one, you should be apologising to. But never mind. She did say some horrible things to you. About Severus. " Lily didn't know how to reply. She just looked down on her warm butter bear. "What happened between you two?" Diana looked worried. "It's a long story" Lily said. She didn't want to explain Diana why that awful word had crushed her. She didn't want to tell her about the deatheaters and the hatred for muggles. But she knew she had to.


	3. Chapter 3 the truth

The truth

"Are you serious?" Diana looked absolutely terrified. Lily slowly nodded. She had just told her mother everything. About You-Know-Who and the deatheaters, and about the hatred so many wizards felt towards muggles and muggleborned.

"No, no this can't be happening. This is World War two all over again. "Diana's voice was trembling, colored by the awful memories of her childhood. Lily took her mother's hand.

"Why didn't you tell me before?" Diana asked. "Because I know you have been through enough. You grew up in a world of war, and now, because of the Russians, you are in constant fear of another one. I didn't want to worry you even more." She gently squeezed her mother's hand to let her know, she was here for her.

"Is this why you have been so depressed all summer Lily? Is it this war?" Tears filled Lily´s eyes. It was time to tell the truth.

"No mother. Well it has something to do with the war. In fact, if it wasn't for the war, this would probably never have happened."

"What happened? Lily you are starting to scare me." Lily felt the sorrow filling her every fiber. She didn't want to talk about it, didn't even want to think about it. "Lily please, what happened?" Diana gasped and quickly raised her hand to her mouth. "Were you raped?"

"What? No it is nothing like that. It is, well its Severus." "What about him? Oh no! Did he rape you?"

"No Mother no one raped me I'm a bloody virgin! No he, well lately he has become friends with some pretty unpleasant types. Supporters of You-Know-Who.

Then at the day of the Defense Against Dark Arts exam, I saw Potter picking on him, and I mean in a really nasty way. So of course I defended him. Then he.. He.. He called me a mudblood. He yelled it at me. He said he didn't need help from someone like me."

Her voice gave in, she couldn't say any more. She hid her face in her hands, and started sobbing. Diana got up and walked to her daughter. Lily felt the comforting hug from her mother. "I am so sorry Lilly. I can see how much that boy has hurt you. Is there anything I can do for you? Anything at all?" Lily gently removed the arms that were holding her. "Mum it is okay. It is just teenage-drama. Really there is no need to worry." Lily looked her mother in the eyes, hoping Diana wouldn't see through the lie. She didn't want Diana to be sad or worried in any way.

Diana shook her head and said: "Lily I know you to well. You might be a good liar but you are not _that_ good." Lily wiped her eyes with a napkin. Then she saw how dirty it had gotten and said: "I need to go to the bathroom. My make-up is a mess."

Diana grabbed her daughter´s arm, looked her dead in the face and said: "Honey do you really think it matters how you look right now?"

Lily shook her head and said:" Mum let's just forget about it. I want to have a nice day with you, it is what I need. But I can't do that if I look like this." Then she picked up her purse and went to the bathroom.

When lily was done fixing the damage the tears had done to her make-up, she planted a smile on her face. Nothing was going to get in the way of them having a good day, especially not her stupid emotions.

She went back to her mum, who was paying for the drinks. "I´m ready mum lets go."

When they went out on _diagon ally_, Diana saw for the first time how much the war had really changed the wizard world. The once colour-full and lively street was now almost empty. There were no bright posters in the windows; instead there were pictures of various death eaters.

There were only few shoppers, and they all seemed to be in a hurry to get the shopping over with. No one just stood and talked, the way they used too. "Okay mum we she should start by getting my books." Lily took the paper with the list of books up from her purse. Quietly they went to Flourish and Blotts.

Inside the shop, there were very few costumers. A pale girl with long ice-blond hair stood in the herbal-section. Lily recognized her as Narcissa Black, a girl from 7th year slytherin. She had never spoken much to her, mostly because she knew the Black-family was a proud family and they hated people like her. She also knew Narcissa´s sister Belatrix had recently married Rodolphus Lestrage, a well-known death eater.

In the other end of the shop, Lily saw a girl with short brown hair in a bob haircut. The girl was standing with her back turned to the door, and could therefore not see Lily. Diana gently squeezed Lily's shoulder and said: "Look who is here, why don't you go say hello?" with a sudden excitement Lily walked to the girl, laid her hands on her eyes and said "Guess who".

The brunette turned around with a smile and almost screamed: "LILY! Oh-my-gosh I missed you SO much did you get my letter? I can't BELIVE it has been so long I have SO much to tell you"

The long ramble continued, but lily didn't listen, her attention was drawn to the beautiful diamond ring on the girl's finger. "I missed you too Alice, I am really glad I ran in to you like this" and at that moment, Lily wasn't faking it. At that moment she was actually happy, like before the incident.

"I can't believe you are getting married. We SO have to talk about that later, but not now." Lily nodded in the direction of Narcissa, who had just turned around and noticed Lily. She looked as usually like something smelled terribly awful. Most likely that look was due to Lily's presence. "Oh yeah I see what you mean. Well I got to go, I promised Frank I would meet him at two, and it is almost two twenty." The girls exchanged brief hugs and departed. Before Alice left she gave Diana a hug as well.

As they finished their shopping, Diana and Lily met several friends and familiars, all of who seemed to be very busy to get home, where they were safe. "It's ridiculous actually" Lily said, "this is where they are the most safe, no death eater would attack this place, there are too many full blood wizards. There would be no purpose in coming here and just mindlessly kill people." Diana looked down as she replied: "I don't think you are right about that. the Nazis claimed they only had wanted to help the arrian race, and stop the so called impure. But that didn't stop them from killing lots of German citizens. I'm just saying, these types of people often don't even care about the values the clam makes the war justice. More often than not it's more about power, than the cause." Lily took her mother´s hands and looked her in the eyes and sayd: "Mum this is not world war two, and the death eaters are not the Nazis." "No this is worse, these bad guys have magic! And dementors! Lily you must promise me, that no matter what you will NOT join the fight. You will not be involved with the aurors and try to stop the death eaters, okay?" shocked by the intensity and seriousness in her mother's voice, Lily nodded.

"Hey, Evans!" a dark haired boy with glasses and the most beautiful face ran towards her. With him he had his 3 best friends; Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew and Sirius Black. "Oh, hi Potter" Lily said, wishing he would just go away. "You must me Mrs. Evans, it is so nice to meet you," he said with his usual smug smile and arrogant voice, whilst shaking hands with Diana" my name is James Potter, but I'm sure your daughter has mentioned me." "Well James, very nice to meet you" for some reason, Potter´s presence had always made Lily irritable, but this time it made her down right furious. "Yeah I get it, everyone is glad to see Potter, everyone just loves you." "I don't love him" said Sirius "well no one cares about you Black so shut up!" Diane griped Lily´s arm tight and said: "Lilly! What is wrong with you? Stop behaving like a 12 year old and apologize!" Lily freed herself from Diane´s grip, turned around and hissed: "I have nothing to apologize for, Potter is an arrogant brat with attention issues and a God complex, and Black knows, no one cares about him, heck his own family doesn't even want him! And I will never apologize for speaking the truth!" she turned around, and stormed away.

She knew she was way out of line, saying those things, and she knew it would come back to bite her in the arse, but she simply didn't care. All she wanted was to hurt those boys the way they had hurt her, when they mocked Severus. How dared they act like they were best friends, how dared they come and talk to her mother? Had they no sense of guilt? Couldn't they see how much pain they had already caused? Then she thought maybe they didn't know. Just maybe they had no idea what their little prank had done to her friendship. Or maybe they didn't even realize they had done anything wrong? If that was so, their behaviour before had not been inappropriate in any way, in fact it had been polite, and she was the one, who was acting inappropriately.

She looked around; she had been so caught up in her own thoughts and anger, that she hadn't noticed where she was going. She stood next to a dark building, with a sign that said: Borgin & Burkes. Around her she saw a few of mean looking wizards and witches. With a shock she realized where she had gone, she had to get away from there, before anyone saw her and thought she was actually here to shop. This was where all the dark wizards went to get their cursed and evil items; it was full of dark magic. She turned around, desperate to get back to the main street. She started running, afraid to run into any dark wizards, she knew this was a place, where people like her were not welcome.


	4. Chapter 4 forgiveness

AN: thank you for the reviews; it really makes my day to see them, and also to know people are actually reading and liking my stories : ) sorry for not updating in a while, i have been busy with school. also i am sorry for the shortness of this chapter, i promise i will update the next one soon. before christmass

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**Forgiveness**

Lily ran. She ran so fast she could barely see where she went. The tears started filling her eyes, as a storm of emotions overwhelmed her. The sorrow she had felt all summer suddenly felt fresh due to the meeting with the marauders, the guild for the horrible things she had said to them, and the fear from being at Knockturn Alley, the darkest part of Diagon Alley. "Evans? What are you doing here" Lily immediately stopped running and looked for the source of the voice. It came from the person she least expected to see here. "Potter? Did you follow me or something?"He walked towards her and said: "Evans let's get out of here, this place gives me the creeps." Together they walked back to diagonally.

There was an awkward silence between them, something that rarely happened when she was near Potter. Because of the silence, it surprised Lily when Potter said: "Evans I think we need to talk." She held her hand up to stop him and said: "Potter I already know what you are going to say. You are going to say that I had no right to speak that way to you and Black, and you want to scold me for it, right?"

not giving him any time to reply, she continued. "You want me to apologise for being rude, but you know what? I'm not going to do it, because you have no right to judge me, and I don´t need to hear your attitude right now because I'm bloody sick of it, you hear me sick of it!""Evans that's not""I mean I know I might have said some things that were out of line, but it is not like you and Black never did anything wrong. You are in no position to judge me." "Evans I'm not."" No I told you I don't want to hear it! I don't need you to say something that´s going to make me feel even worse, so just stop it." "EVANS! Will you let me speak? I´m trying to apologise."

He placed his hands on her shoulders in attempt to make her calm down. "Evans your mother told me about Snape. I'm sorry for the part I had in that." Lily stared at Potter with an expression of shock painted on her face. "I didn't know what would happen, there is no excuse. Lily you know I don't do apologies so you know how hars it is for ma to say this. I am sorry."

Lily couldn't believe this, Potter actually _apologised_? This had never happened before. A million thoughts filled her head, but all she could say was: "You called me Lily." "What?" "You called me Lily. Not Evans, Lily."

She looked at his eyes, his beautiful dark eyes and saw nothing but sincerity. She had never really looked at his eyes before. She had always tried to avoid looking at him at all. She had never know how lost she could get in those eyes, it was an ocean and she was drowning. "Lily? You are starring." His words woke her from the trance. She hadn't even noticed that she had step closer to him, so close she could feel his warm breath on her. "Oh I am sorry I guess I zoned out for a moment. You were apologising?" she said as she took a step back. Potter seemed a little nervous when he continued: "Yes I am. I, I had no idea what impact it would have on your life. I don't expect you to forgive me, but I hope you will. Forgive me I mean."

Lily was speechless, something she rarely was. The seconds passed and felt like minutes, where none of them said anything. The Potter said: "Well I was actually expecting one of the famous Lily-Evans-sassy-comebacks. But you are speechless, never saw THAT coming." He smiled a little, it seemed like he was back to his usual confident self. "I won't forgive you. I'm sorry."

Now it was his turn to be shocked. "What? Why not? I just apologised, and we had a deep touchy-feely moment, what more do you need?" Lily braced herself for what she was going to say. This was going to hurt them both, she knew that. But it had to be done.

"I can't forgive you because you are not sorry for what you did. And we both know you are never going to be. You are sorry for the pain you coursed ME but I am not the one you hurt the most. And I truly believe the only reason you are apologising to me right now is because you like me, and you can't stand that I am mad at you. But no matter how much you try you are never going to make me like you the way you like me. The only guy I could ever even consider liking, is no longer my friend. And that is thanks to you. But I'm not an idiot, I know Severus and I were too different to work, but we didn't have to have that dramatic ending you gave us. So no I won't forgive you, not right now."

She turned around and ran away from him, tears filling her eyes again. She had meant every word she just said, and she could see he knew it. "LILY! There you are! I have been looking all over for you!" the familiar and comforting voice came from behind her. She turned and saw her mother stand with open eyes and a worried expression. "Let's go home" Diana said as she took Lily in her arms.

Together they walk out on the open streets of London and headed towards the car. They were at the parking lot when Diana remembered Petunia. So Lily sat in the car while her mother went to the nearest payphone to tell Petunia they were going home. When she came back she told Lily that petunia was spending the night at Vernon's house.

So they headed home, and Lily told her mother why she had yelled at Potter and Black, and what she had said to Potter. When she was done Diana said: "What did you mean when you said that the only guy you would even consider liking is no longer your friend? Did you have feelings for Severus?" Lily looked down on her hand, which were folded in her lap. "I don't know. I mean I played with the thought. It would only be natural; I mean we have been friends for so long it would make sense to take the next step. I am not saying that I was in love with him, but before he started changing, I really thought that one day we would be together."

Lily kept staring at her hands, refusing to meet her mother's gaze. "Lily I'm sorry to say this, but it is not Potters fault you two aren't friends anymore. Severus chose his own way, and you chose yours. It was bound to happen eventually. I am not saying, Potter didn't hurry things along, but maybe it is for the best."

Finally Lily looked up to meet her mother's eyes, but Diana was looking at the road. "Mum I know that, I even told Severus that." "Then why did you blame James Potter? Yes he acted like a brat, and so what? He didn't force Severus to say what he said. Don't you think you are being unfair to this boy?" Lily nearly snapped her own neck, when she turned her head to look at her mother. "_I _am being unfair? _Me_? NO!"

Lily hadn't realised that Diana had stopped the car until she saw her mother take of the safety belt. "Why did you stop?" Diana got out of the car and said: "I was hungry." And that was when she realized they were at the parking lot of a diner. Diana walked around to Lily´s side of the car, opened the door in a very gentleman-like manor and said: "Lunch milady?" is spite of her bad mood and growing headache, Lily couldn't help but smile. Typical Diana, she always tried to use humour to make Lily forget her worries. And it almost always worked. Diana and Lily went inside to get some lunch.

While they sat and ate they didn't talk about Severus, James or any other depressing topic. Instead they talked about Frank and Alice. "I mean com _on_ his name is Longbottom. That should be reason enough for her not to marry him". Lily said. Diana replied with laughter, and as always Diana's laughter cheered up everyone around her. It was like a gust of fresh win on a warm day, welcome and refreshing. Lily had always been told that she had her mother's laugh, but she disagreed.

"Lily, Alice and Frank have known each other since they were born, and they have practically been dating all of their life. Why do you want them to wait? You and I both know they are going to end up together. What's the problem?" Diana said, smiling. This surprised Lily, she thought Diana would be on her side in this. "Mum they are too young!" she protested. Diane looked provocatively at Lilly and said: "Says who?" "Says Me!* I know what is best for my friends, and getting married before they are ready is not the best." Diana just shrugged and said:" It is not up to you or me to decide. In the end it is up to Alice and Frank. And we both know that when Alice sees a chance to wear a beautiful dress and be the centre of attention, she takes it." Lily nodded and took a sip of her Pepsi. She knew her mother was right, Alice had always dreamt about a fairytale wedding, and there was no way anyone could change her mind. Changing the subject, Diana said: "So how many bottle of Pepsi are you bringing to Hogwarts this year?"

* * *

*i know this is gramatically incorrect, but i think it fits.


End file.
